Image from theodessyonline.com
Image from theodessyonline.com

Dictionary.com defines anxiety as:

1.distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune:

2. earnest but tense desire; eagerness:

3. Psychiatry. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder.
      I think in my case both 1 and 3 apply. I wish I could say that 2 applied, but sadly it does not. This last week was a bit of a cluster for my family, which definitely did not help my anxiety. My husband was in for surgery on Thursday and has been in pain since then. My inability to help him with the pain has had my anxiety pretty high. I know that we all hate to see our loved ones in pain and feel pretty helpless when it happens ( well at the very least parents know how this feels). There is nothing we can do to help ease the pain except make sure pain medicine is available. Moms, though, are supposed to be the safe haven that everyone runs to because she can fix anything right? Well in this case I can’t and I don’t like this feeling of helplessness. Anyone that has dealt with a sick child can relate to this I think. However, I think for me this helplessness manifests itself in a bad way.
     I’ dealing with it though in the only way that I know how. I work, I clean, I do what I can. I try to be near enough to be able to him with anything he may need help with but this feeling of helplessness is rough. I think that I try to move myself away from the situation. by this, I mean that I am not at his side 100% of the time. I don’t like this. I should be right there for anything he needs. I know that I am doing what I can but I feel like it is not enough. I feel like I am failing him when I should be the strongest for both of us right now. Mind you, I am not making him do everything for himself. I am there when he needs something, but I feel like I should be doing more and this frustrates me. I’m pretty sure if I were to ask him he would say I am doing fine, it just doesn’t feel this way to me. I guess because I am a mom I am supposed to fix everything and I feel helpless because I can’t.
     Well as I work toward “getting over” my anxiety I need to remember my limitations (which I have a hard time doing). I don’t like to think that I can’t do it all. I’m mom and that means superhero right?

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